REPARTEE IN THE SMOKING ROOM

She (crank): Is there anything worse than a man smoking a nasty cigarette?

He: Yes; a woman minding some one else's business.

With many men, cigars supply the intellectual vacuum which others ingeniously (?) fill up with sighs, shrugs, slander, shuffling, silly schemes, vagaries, vicious thoughts, whistling, weeping, wailing, beering and bawling.

A Better Man For Smoking

When the bishop of Manchester lived in Melbourne Victoria his open air study and smoking den was in his garden, under the shade of a giant blue-gum-tree. A lady visitor having once suggested that tobacco was of satanic origin Bishop Moorhouse replied: "Pardon me, madam, I smoke, and I am a better Christian for doing so. Do you read my letters in the papers?" The lady answered that she did, with pleasure. "Do you ever see anything discourteous or unkind in them?" "Certainly not; I often remark how often you keep your temper." "Well, madam, the first drafts of these letters contained the most cutting thing I could think of. Then I would go sit on the butt of that old gum-tree, light my pipe and have a quiet smoke. After that I would return to the house and strike out every line that might give pain to others. So you see, smoking makes me a better christian."

Why Not Be Happy Now?

To a young man who stood smoking a cigar the other day approached the elderly and impertinent reformer of immemorial legend.

"How many cigars do you smoke a day?", asked the meddler.

"Three," answered the youth, as patiently as he could.

"How much do you pay for them?"

"Ten cents," confessed the young man.

"Don't you know, sir," continued the sage, "That if you save that money, by the time you are as old as I am you could own that big building over the way?"

"Do you own it?" inquired the smoker.

"No."

"Well, I do," said the young man

Pigs and Smokers

"Brother G.," said one clergyman to another, "is it possible you smoke tobacco? Pray, give up the unseemly practice. It is alike unclerical and uncleanly. Tobacco! Why, my dear brother, even a pig would not smoke so vile a weed!" Brother G. delivered a mild outpouring of tobacco-fumes and then as mildly said, "I suppose Brother C., you don't smoke?" "No, indeed!" exclaimed his friend, with virtuous horror. Another puff or two, and then Brother G., who prefers the socratic method of argument, rejoined, "Then, dear brother, which is more like the pig - you or I?"

Smokers Guide to Being the Best Possible of Smokers.

*I did not come up with these.

1. Give your last cigar away occasionally. It will make you feel better.

2. Do not light a cigar in the presence of a respected friend or acquaintance, unless you give him one. This does not apply to employees, fellow boarders or anyone with whom you come in daily contact.

3. Never refuse a light to any smoker. If you haven’t a match to give him, let him borrow some of your fire, even if it spoils your cigar.

4. Remember that smokers are equal when smoking.

5. Do keep a fresh pipe – if he is a pipe smoker – for your friend.

6. Do the nice thing once in a while. If you have more than one cigar and notice a man looking sadly out of the smoking car window, proffer him one of your smokes, with the understanding that there have been times when you were short on smokes and long on loneliness yourself.

7. Give your friend your best cigar. You’ll have lots of fine future smokes coming to you if you do.

8. Remember you can display more brotherly feeling in the way you proffer a cigar than in a world of nice words and small loans.

9. Remember that the hospitable smoker is one of nature’s choicest creations.

10. Never play a joke on a smoker. Don’t give the meanest of them a loaded cigar. It’s brutal, dangerous and a stupid thing to do.

11. Don’t be a cigar or cigarette “sponge”. It’s a low down habit. You can lose your self-respect and the respect of your friends more in this way than any other.

12. Don’t be a strutting, nose-tilting smoker. It’s tough.

13. Never smoke in the presence of ladies, unless you know it is not offensive. If you don’t know, ask them. If they object, don’t smoke. In spite of Kipling, any good woman is far finer of which any cigar has ever dreamed.

14. “Life is too short for poor food, poor company, poor clothes” and poor smokes.

15. Remember that silence and a good cigar are two of the finest things on earth. Even a hermit can be an angel under these circumstances, and a man of the world a man of the other world. Puff your smoke heavenward, and pitch your thoughts toward the clouds.

St. Valentines Day

Guess what I did. Wrote a poem. It is in work so I do realize that meter is off in certain places. I promise that I will fix it, but here it is now.

Your days are young, but ill and rotten
Love is seen, bought to ignore.
Bachelorhood is soon forgotten,
With contracts signed in life before.
In places public the look I feign,
Which love doth not entertain.

Continue on poor wretched soul
And hope to find one fairer than thee
smoke to death as a goal
Tho' she has value more than tobackee.
For her to have its qualities would be nice
But it have hers, shall not suffice.

Go to the lady, find the seek;
At the lusty wench do not curse
When in boys it may seem weak
But write your sweet a lovely verse
Into love may easeth
And do not stir it, until it pleaseth.

Reasons for Being Republican

Ulysses Grant gave a speech after his two terms were finished clearly titled "Reasons for being Republican". It is a short speech so therefore it was easy for me to read and post something about it.

So I would like to reiterate some of his ideas in his speech into my my own political philosophy. Grant starts by saying at least in his time that the democratic party treated anyone who was not a democrat like Satan. This is not some sort argument why the democrats are wrong. grant was not saying they were wrong because they were "big meanies". But he does say this is a reason he is a republican. He was continually sickened by the treatment he got while in office by the blue states, and noticed the difference in treatment that democrats received from republicans. Though republicans do have the easy route to avoiding the poor treatment since they tend to be such adamant believers in free speech. I would just hate to see the republican party diminish to an ignorant state of denial and proscription, even though we are still look at as the ignorant of other beliefs party, we should at least know ourselves that we are not.

"But I am a Republican for many other reasons. The Republican party assures protection to life and property the public credit, and the payment of the debts of the government, state, county, or municipality, so far as it can control." This quote by Grant would sound like any other politician trying to say agreeable things, but the end part separates it from being that. He says, ". . . So far as it can control". The simple democrat solution for upholding all these virtues is to just control as much as possible and nothing bad will happen. Republicans are aware that no matter what people are evil and will do evil thing regardless what rules are set before them. So they conclude to give us more freedoms so as to protect and work for ourselves, when the government might not be able.

Now the Democratic party will tell you that it is for these things whether they are really aiming for that outcome they consequently ". . . discourage all these when in absolute power". Republicans will be separated from Dems by two simple concepts. Dems believe in equality of outcome whereas reps believe in equality of opportunity. Democrats say that we are putting the poor down with our capitalistic system. The only reason the poor are poor is because they a subjected to a form of lazyiness one way or another. They themselves have put themselves there when they found found out someone else is better than them at making money. If someone is better than them at making money in a certain area they had better start finding a different profession in order to provide. It is as simple as saying quit whinning and get some work done. its not like they can't get payed; unless of course they created a bad name for themselves but that ends up as there fault. Grant said of the republican party, "It encourages the poor to strive to better there children, to enable to compete successfully with their more fortunate associates, and, in fine, it secures an equality before the law of every citizen, no matterwhat his race, nationality, or previous condition. Every one has the opportunity to make himself himself all he is capable of."

I suggest that you read the actual speech by Ulysses Grant. These in depth distinctions have been around for longer time than one might suspect.

From my uncle . . .

"All philosophers will rejoice in the pursuit of truth, so long as they agree to never find it."

-Douglas Wilson

Rick Miller and the 25 worst rock voices.

This comedian does the 25 most annoying rock voices all put to Bohemian rhapsody. Its really funny, especially when you get near the end.

To the Anti- Smokers

The only way to get this is to know that Sir Walter Raleigh introduced tobacco to many parts of Europe and that King James strongly disapproved of smoking for typical reasons like ones health.

Sir Walter Raleigh! name of worth,
How sweet for thee to know
King James , who never smoked on earth,
is smoking down below.

-Unknown